Articles of Interest

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http://www.thedivorcecoach.co.uk/blog






What does a Divorce Coach actually do?

Do they run up and down the sidelines of a divorce shouting, 'go on you can do it, run faster, throw higher, keep going' - a question asked of me the other day. It made me stop and think that perhaps there are a lot of people who think that we advocate divorce. It made me think perhaps I ought to explain what I do a litte more clearly just in case.

I don't coach people to get to divorced - in fact if there's something there worth saving, that's what I'd encourage first and foremost. Often folk are their own worst enemy in a relationship and if they'd get out of their own way then the relationship might well have a chance to repair and blossom. The work I do is to try and help them understand where they were responsible for the breakdown - usually in communication and understanding - ie it isn't all the other person's fault. It takes two to build the relationship and two to fight.

Then, the other aspect is where folk are well through the divorcing process - but are struggling emotionally to handle what's going on. A lot of the time there are brave faces hiding emotional chaos. If you've spent months building a case against someone, that's a lot of bad stuff you've got to bring to the table - it's very rare that you're bringing memories of when someone was nice and kind and you were happy as that doesn't make for a good case in court. So the emphasis is always on the negative and it's always personal. Equally the other side are doing the same and it totally rocks your self esteem and confidence. I help those people get back on their feet again and reinvent themselves into their new identity.

When a decision's been made in court, or even together, it rarely works out that both parties are delighted with the result. And with a decision made, the adrenaline stops flowing, the very stuff that held you together and kept you going during the 'battle'. Life can suddenly look pretty bleak and lonely for many - less money, change in social standing perhaps, work has probably suffered and they didn't notice as their attention was elsewhere, seeing the kids less frequently, for guys not house trained it can be a big blow, for women who haven't been main bread winners its daunting, homes to buy/rent, etc etc

So saying, I will often be found willing them on with 'Go on, you can do it' - I'm there as their confidante, supporter, unbiased question asker, winkle picker and at times mentor and therapist too!

If you have any questions, or wonder if I could help you, please just call or email - 0800 109 6862 or jackie@walkerpractitioners.co.uk

Jackie Walker
The Divorce Coach
www.thedivorcecoach.co.uk

Article - for Heriot Watt/SMR Fitness gym members, Dec 06

While you are getting ready for the Christmas holidays – which leaves me wondering, are they really holidays for mothers – is there not more cooking, shopping, entertaining, partying, family visits all at the same time as the kids and partner are at home and creating even more mayhem due to the fact that it’s cold, wet and dark – it’s just a thought!

Anyway, when you get a chance to take 5, ok minutes, not hours, to plunge rather than soak in your bath, remember to pay some attention to your list of wants – not the Santa list – the one for you! The things you want, initiated and maintained by you – the ones for example that you would normally make at New Year. The dreaded resolutions which, if they’re lucky, last 4 or 6 weeks!

The reason for that is that those lists are usually made up from a negative base point. You know – I must stop doing blah; I should lose weight; I can’t keep putting it off. Doesn’t that sound like punishment – it does to me!! When you think instead of how you want to be and work backwards then you have a much more powerful edge to keeping your plan of action going.

This year, I’d like you to think differently – know what outcome you want to have in the context of health, where you see yourself being this time next year – what shape/weight/level of fitness etc. If you don’t know what you want ….. how will you know you’ve got it! So, before you embark on glibly stating your resolutions on 1st January, get it clear in your mind; have a vision of what you will look like, what will you hear when you get it, how you will feel.

People attend classes/gym for many reasons – health, to get fit, weight control, company, fun, to escape for an hour, to look good, to avoid putting on weight, to feel attractive, because their friends go, to make new friends. What are your real reasons for going?

What do you value – ie what is important to you about health/fitness? How do you want to feel about health/fitness. It’s easy to change when you know what drives you to do what you do and why. Everyone’s motivation style is different – what’s yours? Knowing it means you can tell your trainer who can adapt their style for you. Some people just know when they are doing a good job, others need to be told, some need both – which are you? Is once enough, or do you need to see/hear it constantly.

Many of these things are unconscious, they are just the way we are – but here’s the good bit – when you make them conscious, suddenly something just clicks – it’s like ah now I know why I really chose that, and that; and oh, that’s why I did that!! And bingo you understand why you sometimes get a wee knot in your tummy – you know that funny feeling when you know you should but don’t want to, or vice versa.

I fervently believe that the body and mind are interlinked and symptoms are like the warning lights on the car dashboard - the car has an MOT each year, are you paying as much attention to your mind and body?

You know you want to - click the button below or pick up the phone and make 2007 your year of CHOICE -

Creating Honest Options and Inspired Conclusions Everytime